My family and I have some deep philosophical conversations in my home. We ponder the Creator and His creations. We analyze moral codes and conducts. We discuss the powers and deceptions of love and life. There are even occasional political debates and resolutions. Then there are those times when all intellect leaves the room and mutterings of gibberish laden fools reign free to spread their doctrine. These are some of those mutterings:
1. " Mommy, I can't sleep in my sleeping bag anymore."
"Why, is it dirty? Are you too hot in it? Is there a hole in it that allows a tiny gremlin inside to nibble at
your toenails while you sleep?"
"No, it's too blue."
2. (Angrily)"She keeps looking at me!"
"So close your eyes and you won't see her seeing you."
"But then I can't breathe."
3. [This one is courtesy of my niece]
Daddy: what mascot would you pick for your school?
Child: a bloody castle.
Hmmmmmmmm.....
4. "Can I have some cereal?"
"Sure, let me take out the milk."
"No, I don't want milk. I want to eat it dry."
[ten minutes later] "Can I have some milk?"
"I just offered you milk in you cereal and you said you didn't want any."
"That was because it's harder to play marbles with my Kix when they're wet."
5. [watching the child bouncing and writhing in her seat] "Hanan, do you have to go to the bathroom?"
"No, thank you."
"Yes you do, you're practically wiggling out of your clothes."
"No, thank you."
"I'm not offering you a cookie, I'm telling you to go PEE."
"Can i have a cookie if i go pee?"
"Whew, yeah, sure kid, after you go pee you can have a cookie."
"Mommy, my pants are wet, can i have my cookie now?"
"NO THANK YOU"
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