A Day in the Hijab of Shama

My Mother, My Best Friend
by Muhammad Alshareef

Aseer ibn Jaabir narrates: Whenever people would come from Yemen, Umar would ask them, "Is Uways Al-Qaranee amongst you?" until, one year, he met Uways. He said, "Are you Uways Al-Qaranee?"

He said, "Yes."

Umar continued, "From Muraad, then Qaran?"

He said, "Yes."

Umar then asked, "Were you once afflicted with leprosy and your skin healed except for a dirham's area?"

Uways said, "Yes."

Umar finally asked, "Do you have a mother (that is alive)?"

He said, "Yes."

Umar then said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam say, 'Uways ibn Aamir will come to you with the delegations from Yemen, from Muraad, then from Qaran. He was once afflicted with leprosy and his skin healed except for a dirham's area. He has a mother, and he treats her kindly. If he was to ever swear by Allah (for something) Allah would fulfill his oath. If you can, request that he ask forgiveness for you." Umar then requested from Uways, "Ask forgiveness for me." And Uways Al-Qaranee did.

Allah ta'aala commanded us in the Qur’an:

And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both attain old age in your life, then do not say to them 'uff' (a word of disrespect), nor shout at them, rather address them in terms of honor / And lower for them the wing of submission and humility through mercy. And say, 'My Lord! Grant them Your mercy as they brought me up when I was small' (Al Isra' 17/23-24).

Ad-Daylami collected from Al-Husayn ibn Ali, that the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said:

"If Allah knew any smaller than 'uff' (tsk) to be disespectful to parents, He would have decreed it to be haram!"

A man came to the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam seeking permission to go for jihaad. The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam asked him, "Are your parents alive?"

He said, "Yes."

He - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - said, "Perform jihaad (in you kind treatment) of them" (Bukhari).

If someone came to you today and offered you a free lunch, no doubt your response would be to smile, speak kindly to them, and reserve a special place in your heart for their memory. Why is it then that our parents receive only cold stares, harsh words and bitter treatment and they are who they are in our lives? For twenty or thirty years they fed us, clothed us, washed us, and showered their mercy on our soft skin. Their love for us never dies even if we do; it is a love that goes even beyond us, to our children and even our children’s children.

Dear brothers and sisters, we all have parents, whether they are with us or not, and many have not understood the severity of their position in our lives and their right to be respected and revered. Today I want to remind you and I of the true position of our parents, may Allah have mercy on them all.

Birr al-waalidayn is a characteristic of the mu'min. Al-Hasan Al-Basree defined it saying, "Al-birr is to obey the parents in everything that they ask so long as it is not to disobey Allah. Uqooq is to disown your parents, denying them all of your goodness."

By the ijama' of the 'ulama, being respectful and obedient to one’s parents is fard. Ibn Hazm said, "(Obeying ones parents) is Fard!" and he quoted the verse:

And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents.

To better understand what is meant by birr al-walidayn (kindness to parents), the scholars set the following conditions for one to follow:

One: He should place the pleasure of his parents above the pleasure of anyone else, including himself and his wife and kids – everyone. Two: He should obey them in everything they command or forbid, whether it agrees with his desires or not, so long as they do not command the disobedience of Allah.

Three: He should present them with everything he feels they desire, whether they ask for it or not. He should present it with kindness and mercy, understanding that no matter what he does he will always have some shortcomings in fulfilling the true kindness that his parents deserve.

Allah's love comes when our parents love us. And Allah's anger comes when our parents are angry with us. Ibn Abbas radi Allahu anhu said, "There are three things that will not be accepted if its mate is not fulfilled." And he mentioned,

Thank Me (Allah) and your parents…(Luqman 31/14)