A Day in the Hijab of Shama

"Ring Ring!"

Kiwi: Hellooo?



Banana: Hey girl, how you doin Ki?



Kiwi: Hey B, whatchu up to?



Banana: Nothin much, just thinkin maybe you wanna hook up later?



Kiwi: Aww B, you're so sweet. But I'm too tangy for you. You couldn't handle the tartness.



Banana: What r u sayin? My sweet and your tart would make a great mix girl.



Kiwi: Mmmm idunnooo....maybe...alright i guess-

"beep"



Kiwi: Oh wait somebody's on my other line

two minutes pass. Banana waits for his answer.



Kiwi: Hello, B? That was Grape.



Banana: Tsss, what'd HE want?



Kiwi: He was askin if I wanted to hook up later, talkin bout he was all juicy for me and-



Banana: What'd you TELL him?



Kiwi: (smiling coyly) I told him I was mixin it up with you later and he got all defensive sayin he was just kidding and that he had too much to do later anyways. I can't stand sour grapes.



Banana: Yeah, Haters!

Anti-Americanism is a global phenomenon and is clearly getting stronger in the Muslim world. The fact that America doesn't just turn a blind eye but finances the persecution of the Palestinians is high on the list of reasons. And just referring back to the events of the past two decades we can see a growing pattern of American hostility towards the Muslim world. Sanctions (which cause innocent children to die), denial of ethnic cleansing practices (until the mass graves are unturned), and the closing and prosecution of Islamic Charities (preventing aid to go to needy Muslims in foreign countries) in the name of fighting terrorism are a few examples. People across the world today are suffering due to policies and practices of the American government and its allies. It appears the majority of these people are of the Muslim world.

America’s overzealous inclination for war has put many countries, even its allies in a position of unease. A 2003 poll showed that 53% of Europeans saw the US as a threat to world peace. And in 2005, the concern grew as many European countries wanted independence from the US in international affairs. 73% of France, 59% of Germany, 53% of Britain and 50% of Spain were in agreement that they’d like to distance themselves from the US concerning International affairs. All of these percentages rose from a previous poll taken in 2002.

The United States government insists there is no correct political system but American Democracy. America has used economic, diplomatic, and even military force to make this point. While spreading Democracy by the sword (or should I say, by the bomb), President Bush constantly talks of a world led by democracy, insinuating to us that his intention is for every nation in the world to be governed by this one system.

In the American form of democracy, the people vote and majority rules, no matter what the issue. Even if this new law goes against the moralistic values of some Americans, such as the issue of Abortion. In the Muslim world, ideally, Muslims have a divine governing system already in place. And if one puts an issue that has already been decided by Allah (God) up for a vote, it would be implying that the people know better than their Lord. In Islam this is unacceptable. The unfortunate situation of the Muslim world is that so many of these countries have lost the knowledge of the Shari'a and have been so corrupted that major Islamic re-education would need to be implemented before Shari'a could properly govern the society. This outlook in the eyes of some countries is much more inconvenient to the lifestyles of which they've become accustomed and the prospect of American Democracy appears to be much more appealing. So just looking at the Muslim world in regards to forcing American Democracy, the US sees opportunity for capitalistic gain in some of these countries. And with some who are trying to resist a complete US takeover, America is burdened with a problematic belief system infringing on their objectives. So what would be the best way to combat this? “Villainize” its people and belief system in the eyes of the world (media), weaken their economies (sanctions), and divide and conquer its people (emphasizing internal differences and the so-called war on terrorism).

1. If your child throws a tantrum in the diaper aisle at the grocery store because you just put the cheaper generic brand diaper in the basket rather than her usual Pampers, count to ten, breathe, and realize it's time to potty train.
2. If one minute after he does #2 in his diaper he begins to follow you around the house with wipes and a clean diaper in hand, folks lets take out the potty.
3. If she tells you "Pee Pee" while standing in a puddle of urine, get a mop and sit her on the potty.
4. If he refuses to sit down because the smelly lump in his diaper would mash against his bottom, introduce him to his new best friend, the potty.
5. If you can't go to the bathroom without an inquisitive "Mommy, you're going pee pee on the potty?", invite her to join you.
6. If your child has taken a fresh diaper from the package and successfully diapered herself, she's not only ready to potty train but teach her how to wipe too because she has skills!
7. If the potty chair is covered with dust and cobwebs but the new tricycle's wheels already have the tread worn down, park that potty on top of that tricycle.
8. If he brings you a coupon for 20% off Huggies, start training him to be an accountant and pay him to go to the potty.
9. If she asks you to please warm the wet wipes before wiping her bottom with them, laugh and then put princess on the potty.
10. If your little darling is too big for the size 6 diapers and you are considering trying Depends Petite!, it's time for therapy....and bring the potty along.