A Day in the Hijab of Shama

Well Dear, by the Mercy of Allah, we've made it 9 WHOLE YEARS.  Together we've experienced love and loss and love again.  We've struggled through the monotony of day to day trials.  We've welcomed 4 beautiful children into our lives, baring your dimpled chin and stubborn disposition and curiously peering through my eyes and speaking with my often too sharp tongue. Our waistlines grew in solidarity during each pregnancy. And i graciously ignored my jealousy when you lost your "baby bump" before i did.  We've comforted each other thru illnesses and encouraged one another with iman. We've learned that when you say "fried egg" you mean "scrambled egg." It's SCRAMBLED- ahem...We've ascertained that when I'm silent for any length of time, its because I'm angry.  We've come to the conclusion that you argue to be funny (which you are not) whereas i argue to make a point.  We've fought and made up more times than i can count via text message.  Yes, we've occasionally allowed Shaitan to distract us from our goals and we've welcomed Allah's guidance to lead us back on track.

I've overlooked your shortcomings and you've forgiven my faults.  I've learned to appreciate your cryptic complements and ignore your direct criticisms. Just as you've grown to accept my constant need for affection and avoid me during my monthly bouts of psychosis.  I'm grateful that we can still smile when we see each other (even if it's forced).  Thank you for never once telling me my butt looks big or mentioning how i look as if i've lost a fight with a wild animal when i wake in the morning.  Thank you for kissing me even when my breath is on hum.  Thanks for keeping the car full of gas and leaving money in the secret compartment that you thought I didn't know about.  Thanks for knowing that you're imperfect and not expecting perfection from me.  Thanks for being the kind of Daddy that the kids are excited to see each day.   Thanks for being the kind of Husband that I'm excited to see each day.  Ya Habibi, you awaken my heart and inspire my deen.

We've both made adjustments and compromises in order to build this life together. And allthough we love and respect each other, I'm humbled to know that we couldn't have made it one single day without the help of Allah.  We put Allah first in our lives and that is what unites us, saves us, guides us and preserves us.  I love you Habibi.  I love you fisabilillah.

Husband: The kids said you gave them 2 Popsicles yesterday.  Why did you give the kids 2 Popsicles?
Wife: Well, I gave them one earlier in the day and when they asked again later I was just so warn out I didn't have anymore energy to listen to the fussing and whining.  So I let them have another. I know I shouldn't-
Husband: -That's not right.  You shouldn't just give them anything they ask for. One Popsicle is enough.  Why do they need to have 2? I'm not buying Popsicles so that they can eat them all up in one day.
Wife: I was gonna say that if I had to hear anymore crying, tantrums or even the slightest of opposition,  I would've probably snapped and done something regrettable and we'd be having this conversation via 2 telephones on opposite sides of a Plexiglas window as I awaited a trial date.  But your right, honey. Your $2.00 is much more important than my sanity. Whatever was I thinking?

This question came up in conversation with a friend today and I thought it'd be helpful to others who may not know the answer. So....here it is:
Is it permissible to use birth control because one is afraid to have children due to the corruption of society?
Is it permissible to use birth control so that a person has a child every five years, because he sees the corruption in society and would not be able to raise a lot of children close in age in this overwhelmingly corrupt society?


Praise be to Allaah.

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who replied:

So long as this is the intention, then it is not permissible to do this, because it reflects a lack of trust in Allaah with regard to the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said “Marry the one who is loving and fertile…”

But if the birth control has to do with the condition of the woman – because she cannot cope with repeated pregnancies – this may be permissible, but it is better not to do it.

Question: Do you mean that it is more important to pay attention to the woman’s condition than to the corrupt nature of society?

Answer: Of course, because there is no certainty that one’s children will be corrupt; they may be righteous people who will bring benefits to society. And Allaah knows best.


Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen